Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy

Ratings: 5.5/10

Film Class: B

Genre: Comedy Fantasy

What a joke this is. Guardians of the Galaxy feels more like a spoof than an actual Marvel movie. It's like watching a live action cartoon with a no-brainer storyline, awful progression, one-liner lame scripts, an utterly mismatched soundtrack and horrible on-screen chemistry by the 5 guardians. 

*Major spoilers ahead* The lameness skyrocketed at the last duel scene, the dance. Oooo, the dance. It totally stripped out and shattered whatever dignity left of it. 

Most of the scenes were just either off, lame, fake or forced. I can't even find the words to describe it because I've exhausted my vocab of verbal slamming. At one point, no, two, it was so bad that I just shook my head in utter disbelief. The build up of lameness was well paced, climaxing only at the end, and it hits you hard again and again. 

I haven't got the slightest clue how Marvel would allow such a horrendous instalment to be made. I understand it's there to tie the "loose" ends (seen in most Marvel stingers about the collection of infinity stones) and to introduce some pivotal characters, but not in this manner... Oh my, I'm so hooked onto this feeling... this feeling of non-stop rattling disappointment...

And yes, there's an end credits stinger... Nope not the dancing treeling, the talking duck! 

Earth shattering horrendous, gravity defying floppy. Guardians of the Galaxy seems to be fighting for the bottom spot for worst superhero movie ever made... And if indeed it does, it deserves an Oscar for it. 

The story spans around 5 mismatched intergalactic criminals turned heroes in their quest to protect an infinity stone from falling into the wrong hands. If you don't know what an infinity stone is, it's a gem imbued with immense powers, and there's 6 of these. This movie only features one. Having all 6 would make any being omnipotent. 

The only saving grace of this is that we get to see Thanos, even only for a good minute or so. And if you're scratching your head wondering who this Thanos character is, he's a super villain, immortal-like, with limitless power because he would eventually control and wear the infinity gauntlet (comprising of the 6 infinity stones). 

It might not be necessary to watch this to piece together the side plots of the Marvel movies so far, but (I'm slapping myself with a stick while saying this) it does make it easier to follow for future instalments. I hate how it's such an "important movie" considering how awful it is. What a bummer, what an A-hole...