Switch

Ratings: 1.0/10

Film Class: B

Genre: Action

One of the worst movies I've watched. No, correction, make it the worst. Switch makes the flop Chinese movie The Treasure Hunter look good, that's how disastrous this is.

I shan't even spend more than a sentence explaining the plot, because when I started watching it, the plot became irrelevant, nothing made sense. Even if you had read the synopsis at the back of the DVD cover (like I did), you'll feel cheated because the synopsis is as good as it could ever be. In this case, words speak more than a thousand pictures. The dead text was more interesting than the sum of pictures put together. 

But if you must know, Switch is about a stolen treasure, one half of a painting, that somehow everyone wants to get their hands on. 

It must have been so embarrassing for Andy Lau to star in this... He either didn't know what he was getting into, or he was seriously desperate for cash. It's no surprise to see Taiwanese beauty Lin Chiling star in yet another flop movie, let's face it, she's got the looks, but she can't act. Still, she's makes the movie a little bit less torturous. 

I haven't felt so negative about a movie in a long while, but it didn't take Switch to make me feel that way 15 mins into the movie. I thought it was a flukish feeling, I mean, there's Andy Lau and Lin Chiling in this for christ's sake, but I so wanted to give up 49mins into the film. I somehow managed to force myself to sit through the entire movie because I wanted to be fair in my critique, despite already knowing what the outcome would be. 

At least the senseless fighting scenes were decent, and the cinematography was scenic. It was like watching bits and pieces of different adverts from time to time; there's Andy Lau in a watch commercial, in a car commercial, in a beach resort commercial etc. Mostly showing off a picturesque Dubai. 

There was zilch character development, due to the annoying jump cut scenes which never lasted more than 5 minutes each. There wasn't any continuity in the scenes and the progression was all too convenient. During one scene you see Andy Lau on the verge of death, the next, the villains traveling to a secluded forested region, the next, a group of doctors trying to save Andy Lau, the next, 5 yrs later, he's all good to go. Yup, this is just one example of how slipshod the director's works is. 

I 2nd the opinion of a reviewer on imdb, that the director should be banned from directing any movies in future. It's just a disgrace to the industry. It's an insult to movie goers, and to the fans of those poor stars. I can't believe I paid $19.90 for this, and a thought flashed past my mind during the movie, I actually thought of stopping the movie, ejecting my DVD, and snapping it in half. Yes, I felt terribly insulted. I had actually contributed to the director in "recuperating his losses". 

Switch was a low class copycat of Mission Impossible, with the wire hangings, and the face disguises. There was an "ultimate" twist in the movie! The villain had a face disguise to cover up his own face! Cos his "real" face was disfigured in a fire! "Wow!!" Disguising your face with a better looking version of your own face! Who would have thought of that?! 

Too many stunt doubles were used, and the battle between Andy Lau and the villain in fencing suits out of the blue was just lame. It didn't even make sense, the only explanation I could come up with was that the director thought he had come up with an "ingenious" idea of using stun doubles without being too obvious.... FAIL! Stab me please!! 

Note that I haven't added any warnings about spoilers, because trust me, you wouldn't want to torture yourself with this brainless piece of crap.